Husband: I’ve always seen my wife as a successful professional and confident woman. I have also sensed a quiet frustration in her that I think comes from her feeling that she must always be “on point”. I don’t believe this is God’s given role for her, and I struggle to remember that I am truly needed.
Wife: My husband introduced me to ballroom dancing (a true exercise in learning to lead and follow). I would get very offended when my husband was told me to “let him lead” as I was not even trying to lead. Once my body learned what following felt like, and how to respond to his lead; I had fewer injuries, less arguments, and I was pleasantly surprised by my husbands moves.
The book of Isaiah had something to say about blindness and being taken down unfamiliar paths.
Bible Reading: Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.
Devotion: Originally my wife picked chapter 42 of Isaiah because she wanted to explore hot wax and ice. It was later that verse 16 made more sense. Familiarity, comfort, set routines and assumptions kept us from truly knowing one another and God. Our sense of familiarity can get in the way of allowing God to truly lead us in a way that we can see him and experience him fully. This is played out in our marriage often enough.
Prayer: Lord, reveal the blind spots in our relationships both with you and with our spouse. As we do this activity help us to gain a deeper grasp of what it is like to lead, and to be led.
DEVOTION ACTIVITY: Treasures in the Dark
- Tool box: A warm Fire or candlelight, a soft blanket, massage oil, Blindfold, sensual play items (block out at least 30 minutes time) Tip Sheet suggestions**
- Husband: Blindfold your wife and ask her to remove her clothing or you may remover her clothing yourself.
While she is blindfolded walk her around the house enough to help her feel disoriented and dependent on you. (hush her and remind her to trust you)
Then leave her standing alone for a few minutes and just look at her, really look at her. Observe her vulnerability, awkwardness, beauty, read her body language.
Note your level of frustration as she is evidently dependent on you to lead her around and remember to use your voice and your touch to lead and direct her.
Lay your wife down on the floor or on the bed and begin giving her a masage different degrees of touch, at times lightly caressing and working with her response then become more passionate.
- Wife: Your challenge is to allow your husband to lead you and set aside how you think it should go.
Practice new ways to be responsive (click here for list of suggestions)
Stay in Character, let him lead you
- Together: When you are done, with wife still naked and blindfolded, wrap her in a soft blanket and pull her close to you on the couch in a fire-lit room (candles or fireplace). Then ask her to remove the blindfold, cuddle, and talk about what you liked or learned from the devotion time together.
WIFE: Most memorably, I remember being wrapped in a blanket next to my husband made me feel very alive and aware his warmth. When I removed the blindfold the dim light was so vibrant. I enjoyed it when my husband was able to bring me to the edge of orgasm and, then I was surprised that he directed me (verbally and non verbally) how the wanted me to please him. (He is not one to make requests)
HUSBAND: I felt much closer to my wife. I thought I would feel like I was being mean (even though we agreed on what would be ok to do and we had a safe word), instead I was surprisingly aroused as I watched my wife’s responses and receptivity.
BIBLE TAKE AWAY
Isaiah 45 “I will give you hidden treasures in the darkness.
In our Journey with God there are places of darkness. That darkness maybe addictions, inadequacies, failures, diagnosis, regrets, sins, God can show us that hidden in the darkness there are treasures: Humility, trust, healing, reconciliation
When you come out of the darkness when the blindfolds are off; even the dimmest light can be brilliant.
Sometimes God’s ways seem mean but they get our attention and can draw us closer to him.
Varying degrees of sensual play can include playing with candles and ice, sex toys. Hot rock masage, food tasting…
*Suggested Tip Sheet Reading:
How to rub a Clit (from MarriedChristianSex.com)