Devotion 5: My Star Receiver

HUSBAND:  My wife and I were equating Football playbooks with our “for-play cards” (more on that later).   I was explaining that the two teams  are strategic in knowing their opponents.  They have a game plan specific and have a set of plays ready to run on them to make their goal.  Then it came to me I had been considering my wife and me to be on opposing teams.  Wow,  really?  I know my wife is not the opposition she is my star receiver.   

WIFE:  Scarred from an affair in my first marriage, I started my second marriage with a plan to be a sexual fantasy girl for my husband.  Because some of my motives were stemmed in insecurity,  sex became a source of conflict. Part of the problem was, that  in my pre-occupation with being hot and sexy:  I never asked him what he wanted from me, and I had not really considered what I truly wanted from him.

The Matthew chapter 7 and James chapter 4 have  something to say about asking, receiving, and giving.

Read more

Devotion 4 Silent Invitations: Drawing Near (updated experience)

If you have not already read Silent Invitations: Drawing Near click here

We had several do-overs on this devotional time.  It is fair to say the activity for this devotion challenged us,   and really revolutionized how we came together.  The devotion message rang true:

We have made the mistake of treating sex as something we do in order to get  close  rather than as a culmination*  of drawing near.    And while it doesn’t seem that a married man ought to wait for his  wife’s invitation, it is fair to say that this is the nature of intimacy as modeled by God.

PRAYER:  Lord help me as a husband to love my wife as you love us, giving up my position of authority so that my wife can feel a new freedom and closeness in our time together.
DEVOTION ACTIVITY:   Silent Invitations  (updated)
TOOL BOX:  This activity is best done as naturally as possible.  In the course of a normal evening , but prepared to be together.
READING SUGGESTIONS:  How to Attract Women (off site from Psychology Today)               Increase Your Responsiveness: Increase Arousal (on site tip sheet)
Husband:   There is more trust involved in this activity than you think, you will be challenged to wait for your wife’s lead.  Remember that you are letting your wife chose when , if and how to proceed sexually.  It may take quiet a while.  When your wife comes to your side caress her and touch her in non sexual ways.  Wait for her to take things to the next level.  That may be in the middle of the night.  Be careful to only have sexual  in ways she invites you.  (ie: she may guide your hand to touch her atop clothing or blankets; enjoy her but do not circumvent the obstacles she has allowed.  You may draw closer to her, lean in, tease,  but do not go beyond her invitation.  If she leans into you do not grind against her, let her do pull you in or push into you.  Wait to be directed to undress.  Enjoy where she leads you.
Wife:  This may be a new experience for you.  You really have to trust that your husband will not push your limits (if he does agree that you can stop him, and chalk it up to his great desire for you).   It is ok to verbalize in a few words what you want him to do to you.  Respond to his touch, and move at your own pace.   You must guide his hands to touch you sexually, you must kiss him, you must undress or direct him to undress you.  You must be the one who makes full body contact,  or pulls him into position.
Together:  You are both wordless in this activity.  Take your time!  The beauty of this is spending time near each other.  Enjoy one another and keep in mind that the object of this devotion is to draw near and experience intimacy.  Sex may or may not be the culminating result.

TogetherKeep talking to a minimum,
Wife:  I became very aware being able to communicate this way, and having my husbands attention really helped me feel engaged and cherished.  While we stopped and started over several times it was way worth it.  That he waited for me as fickle as I was, was truly a gift.  I say Amen to do-overs and this will be a devotion worth doing over and over again.
Husband:    My wife didn’t even initiate sexual touch till after, I had fallen asleep.  It was nice to know that I really didn’t have to be doing anything for her to want me.  Even with all the “waiting”  I physically enjoyed waiting for my wife.  I think  biggest take away was,  shortly after  she “lectured me”,  I was able to push through and “hear” what my wife was needing.

BIBLE TAKE AWAY:    In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even death on a cross!
Philippians 2:5-8 5

If you like this please share with others.


Devotion 4: Silent Invitations: Drawing Near

Husband:  Sex is the easy part…the hard part is catching her in the right mood.  She tells me she wants to feel desired but my strategy hardly works (even when I do exactly what she says she wants).
Wife:  My husband came up to me from behind and nibbled on my neck.  Ok so I didn’t melt into his arms.  I want him to pursue me, but mostly I experience his attempts as question marks and my default is “not now” or “”no”.
The book of James Chapter 4 and John 3: 36-37 clear up some misconceptions about how to pursue. Read more

Devotion 3: You Do Have to Take Your Clothes Off (updated)

Husband: You have to get undressed to have sex. (Ok not entirely true).  What I would like to say is that when it comes to getting undressed I routinely rip my wife’s clothes off.  You know, buttons fly off, cloth ripping, she gasps and falls helplessly across the bed… But in reality its more often like:  moan,  tug,  nudge.

Wife:  When I think about undressing, I think about our wedding night.  To this day we both laugh remembering the crazy awkward way we undressed.  I like the idea of undressing as part of foreplay; steamy, wild or even silly…but undressing has slipped quietly undercover.

The book of Hebrews Chapter 12  had something to say about stripping off encumbrances and the sins that entangle us: Read more

Devotion 2: Blinded by Familiarity

Husband: I’ve always seen my wife as a successful professional and confident woman. I have also sensed a quiet frustration in her that I think comes from her feeling that she must always be “on point”.  I don’t believe this is God’s given role for her, and I struggle to remember that I am truly needed.

Wife:  My husband introduced me to ballroom dancing  (a true exercise in learning to lead and follow).  I would get very offended when my husband was told me to “let him lead” as I was not even trying to lead.  Once my body learned what following felt like, and how to respond to his lead;  I had fewer injuries, less arguments, and I was pleasantly surprised by my husbands moves.

“I will give you hidden treasures in the darkness”


The book of Isaiah had something to say about blindness and being taken down unfamiliar paths. Read more

Devotion 1: You Are All Together Beautiful

Wife:   I rarely wonder what my husband sees when he looks at me.  Frankly,  most of the time, I don’t feel very beautiful.  I have become a master of hiding what I see as my physical flaws and I only ask him how I look after I am dressed and ready to go.

Husband:  I can’t understand why my wife in all her beauty hides herself when I walk in on her naked.  I see her as a whole being and find her “altogether beautiful”

“You are all together beautiful” Solomon 4:7


Solomon taught us there is something freeing about being “taken apart”: Read more