If you have not already read Silent Invitations: Drawing Near click here
We had several do-overs on this devotional time. It is fair to say the activity for this devotion challenged us, and really revolutionized how we came together. The devotion message rang true:
We have made the mistake of treating sex as something we do in order to get close rather than as a culmination* of drawing near. And while it doesn’t seem that a married man ought to wait for his wife’s invitation, it is fair to say that this is the nature of intimacy as modeled by God.
PRAYER: Lord help me as a husband to love my wife as you love us, giving up my position of authority so that my wife can feel a new freedom and closeness in our time together.
DEVOTION ACTIVITY: Silent Invitations (updated)
TOOL BOX: This activity is best done as naturally as possible. In the course of a normal evening , but prepared to be together.
READING SUGGESTIONS: How to Attract Women (off site from Psychology Today) Increase Your Responsiveness: Increase Arousal (on site tip sheet)
Husband: There is more trust involved in this activity than you think, you will be challenged to wait for your wife’s lead. Remember that you are letting your wife chose when , if and how to proceed sexually. It may take quiet a while. When your wife comes to your side caress her and touch her in non sexual ways. Wait for her to take things to the next level. That may be in the middle of the night. Be careful to only have sexual in ways she invites you. (ie: she may guide your hand to touch her atop clothing or blankets; enjoy her but do not circumvent the obstacles she has allowed. You may draw closer to her, lean in, tease, but do not go beyond her invitation. If she leans into you do not grind against her, let her do pull you in or push into you. Wait to be directed to undress. Enjoy where she leads you.
Wife: This may be a new experience for you. You really have to trust that your husband will not push your limits (if he does agree that you can stop him, and chalk it up to his great desire for you). It is ok to verbalize in a few words what you want him to do to you. Respond to his touch, and move at your own pace. You must guide his hands to touch you sexually, you must kiss him, you must undress or direct him to undress you. You must be the one who makes full body contact, or pulls him into position.
Together: You are both wordless in this activity. Take your time! The beauty of this is spending time near each other. Enjoy one another and keep in mind that the object of this devotion is to draw near and experience intimacy. Sex may or may not be the culminating result.
Together: Keep talking to a minimum,
Wife: I became very aware being able to communicate this way, and having my husbands attention really helped me feel engaged and cherished. While we stopped and started over several times it was way worth it. That he waited for me as fickle as I was, was truly a gift. I say Amen to do-overs and this will be a devotion worth doing over and over again.
Husband: My wife didn’t even initiate sexual touch till after, I had fallen asleep. It was nice to know that I really didn’t have to be doing anything for her to want me. Even with all the “waiting” I physically enjoyed waiting for my wife. I think biggest take away was, shortly after she “lectured me”, I was able to push through and “hear” what my wife was needing.
BIBLE TAKE AWAY: In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even death on a cross!
Philippians 2:5-8 5
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