Responsiveness is important… But how can you tell if the sounds your partner is making are communicating sounds of passion and excitement or sounds of distress and or protests? How do you know when he or she teasing, in character or simply reluctant but curious.
The obvious ask, ‘you ok?”. ” keep going?”.
Or, tell, “stop”, “slow down”
Body language can work too: moving, shifting, restraining.
We get that couples in time, get a rhythm going and grasp on what is pleasurable to one another. However, we found that familiarity can hinder our ability to know one another and ourselves even better. (see devotion on familiarity)
However, Our experiences is that having a safe word allows us to communicate in a way that promotes exploration and adventure in our sex life. We like that our safe word instantly communicates the need to stop. The safe word frees my partner and me to enjoy each others responses without having to rely on trying to interpret the meanings of moans, cries and protests or worry that we are going to far, or that we are giving the wrong messages.
When we know that we are going to get into a role, we use it like the directors instructions “cut” . Until the word is given we can just play through.
Note: we use the word “cabbage” you can pick any ordinary word that you know will not likely be used while having sex.
If you cannot speak, then consider a hand signal, something deliberate and unusual but easy to distinguish from sex play (crossed eyes, pulling on your partners nostrils)